Jokes - CHRISTMAS GIFTS

3 GUYS TALKING ABOUT WHAT THEY GAVE THEIR WIVES FOR CHRISTMAS. 1ST GUY SAYS \"\'I GOT MY WIFE SOMETHING THAT GOES FROM 0 TO 85 IN 60 SECONDS.\' \'WHAT WAS IT?\' THE OTHER 2 ASK. \'A JAGUAR! SHE WAS VERY HAPPY WITH IT!\' THE 2ND GUY SAYS \'I GOT MY WIFE SOMETHING THAT GOES FROM 0 TO 120 IN 30 SECONDS\'. \'WHAT WAS THAT?\' THEY ASK. \'A PORSCHE. SHE COULDN\'T STOP KISSING ME. SHE WAS SO THRILLED!\' THE 3RD GUY FINALLY SAYS \'YEH, WELL I GOT MY WIFE SOMETHING THAT GOES FROM 0 TO 250 IN 3 SECONDS, BUT SHE\'S REALLY PISSED OFF AT ME & THREW ME OUT OF THE HOUSE!\' THE OTHER 2 GUYS ASK HIM \'WHY? WHAT WAS IT?\' \'A BATHROOM SCALE\' HE ANSWERS.
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Jokes - Breast Enlargement

After many years of marraige, a wife went to her husband and said that she would like to have breast enlargement surgery. The husband disagreed with using their hard earned money for something he thought of as frivolous, so he offered an alternative method:
\"Several times a day, go into the bathroom, take some sheets of toilet paper off the roll, and rub them between your breasts. Over time, they will become naturally larger!\"
She thought about it for a second, then asked \"Will that work?\"
He replied, \"It worked for your ass, didn\'t it?\"

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Jokes - Apples and Grapes

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don\'t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren\'t as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they\'re amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it\'s up to women to stomp the crud out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

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A Bunny's Wish

A bear was chasing this bunny around a forest. They ran into a clearing and were running around a certain huge redwood where a genie lived. The genie got so tired of the racket that he finally came out and told the pair that he would grant them 3 wishes a piece if they would just leave him alone. The pair agreed. The bear said he would go first. 'I wish...that all the bears in this forest were female.' The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and asked for a helmet. The bear thought that strange but continued. 'I wish...that all the bears in this country to be female!' The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned again and wished for a motorcycle. He jumped on the bike, put on his helmet and started gunning it. The bear looked at the bunny and said, 'You must be the stupidest bunny I ever met!' Then he asked for his last wish. 'I wish...that all the bears in this world to be female!' The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and said, 'I wish the bear was gay.'

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